Relationships have always been shrouded in mystique theory that amazes and confuses us mere mortals. Articles, books and movies have shown this mystic theory in numerous ways. We will never truly understand why relationships work for some and not for others.
But one thing that strikes me as odd is the justifications that single people give themselves. I sit there and wonder if they truly understand what they are saying.
For example, I have heard from numerous males, “I want to be in a relationship but I still want to be free to be me.” Yup, that’s right. They are afraid that being in a relationship will somehow hinder who they are. My response? “Honey, you are going to still be free, you are not going into a concentration camp.”
I know that this line comes from a place of fear, a fear that was established from either a horrible relationship in the past or growing up with parents who didn’t love each other. A healthy relationship will inspire you to grow; to become a better person. You will still be you, but a better version. Yes, drunk nights with friends will require you to text or call your partner, but that’s just good manners.
Another favorite line of mine is, “I need to work on myself before I can get into a relationship.” Now, this makes no sense to me. There is no deadline on “working on yourself.” You will always be working on yourself. So basically you are putting off the slight possibility of getting hurt.
Again, this line comes from a place of fear. I do agree that one does need to take breaks from dating. If you have always been in a relationship, then yes, take a year off and be single.
Finally my favorite line when it comes to dating: “I just want a good girl,” or “I want a nice guy.” These two phrases are so vague. What is a “good girl”? What is a “nice guy”? You don’t have to tell your friends your definition of those terms, but you do have to know them yourself. What exactly are you looking for? Is a good girl just someone that was the opposite of your ex? Is a nice guy someone who puts you first instead of his friends?
All these phrases come from a place of “me.” Me…me…me. You are so worried about what the relationship is going to do to you. But have you thought about what you can do for the other person in the relationship? A relationship is about us, us, us. There is no me in dating. Literally, there is no letter m or e in the word dating.
So my friends, it’s time for some tough love. Get over yourself, and stop worrying about the other person. Be someone that someone else would want to date. So basically, be you.
Hugs and Smiles,