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Dear Gentlemen,
Rarely do I write you a letter. Epifania is primarily dedicated to women. But I thought we should have a sit-down and discuss a matter that needs clarification: periods. You have all been around women and know that once a month they get their periods. You tend to think of it as a moody time. You can be a bit nervous as you may be fearful that she will cry over the lack of oreos. Well, that may be true, cause having no Oreos or cookies, is no laughing matter. Let me explain the wonderful world of periods.

First the length of a period is directed by birth control and genetics. When girls are younger, their periods tend to last longer. But on average it’s around 3-5 days. Now if you have never taken a biology class let me take this time to explain why women have periods. A woman’s body was built to produce life, (which fucken sucks by the way), so the period is just the release of the lining of the uterus. Because our egg didn’t get fertilized, our uterus is like well, “okay time to release”.

OK enough of biology. Now the reason why a woman is hormonal during her period, is because, well, her hormones are out of whack. It’s like being pregnant for a few days. We hate it as much as you do. Because for a few days, we are not ourselves and it blows.

We have to walk around doing everyday things when in reality we feel like ugly slobs. Try walking around with a smile on your face when you feel fatigued, bloated or bleeding a lot. Women will start to know their bodies as they get older. What are our symptoms are during that lovely time of the month? Here are some common symptoms.

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  • Bloated: We gain some water weight during this time. So therefore jeans are a mother fucker to wear. It fucks with our emotions as we may feel fat. Just imagine feeling full without having eaten for a few days.
  • Fatigue: I hate this one a lot. Your mind is up, and you have things you want to do but your energy level is so low. You walk around like a “Debbie Downer” and you know it and you hate it. You have to force yourself to do everything. Imagine waking up and your mind is excited for the day emotionally, but all you want to do is lay in bed.
  • Cramps: Cramps can happen in the abdomen and the lower back. It’s a sharp painful feeling that lasts for a few minutes. This is the worst when you have work or school because you are walking around in pain.
  • Food Cravings: Yes we do crave sweets and salty items during this time. Don’t judge us. We are already judging ourselves. But it’s not an ordinary food craving. It’s a “my body wants this right now” craving.
  • Sex Cravings: Surprisingly women can sometimes get really horny during their periods. What sweet hell that is. We want sex but we can’t have sex. So just make out with us for a long time.

Now as you read this, you may be thinking what can you do. Well just be empathic about the situation. Not sympathetic. We don’t need sympathy, we are not children.

Hugs and Smiles,