My parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary this past March. They have taught me and my siblings individual lessons by their actions and words. Not everyday of their marriage was a bed of roses, but what marriage is? A marriage is two people trying to combine two lives into one, which is always a tricky game. But the main lesson I have learned from my parents is this….DO NOT FIGHT IN PUBLIC.
I know it seems like such a simple task. I mean, who fights in public? But people do, and we have all seen people get into hurtful yelling matches. Fighting in public is not only classless, but it also hinders your relationship.
You make each other feel small and embarrassed. You also make people around you utterly uncomfortable. I know it’s hard to hold your tongue when you are hurt, to hold back the tears when the other person pushed you too far. But adding fuel to a fire just makes the fire bigger.
Now I am not perfect, and there are times I want to break down when Nick and I are in the thick of it. We have learned throughout the years to keep it classy and behind closed doors.
To ease the arguments, be mindful of each other’s comfort level. Don’t put each other in situations that will start an argument. For example, don’t make your loved one walk in heels uphill for an event after a day of work! You are just going to trigger something. Don’t make them hang out with people you know bring the ugly out of them. Don’t plan a crazy night of drinking or partying the day before an important work event.
But if you find yourself in the middle of the street wanting to hit your significant one with all the nasty words you can think of, stop. Take a deep breath. You are allowed to be angry. You are not allowed to embarrassed them. If I’m about to cry, I like to walk away, find a quiet space, and be angry by myself. It might not be the best solution, but sometimes you need a moment. (My editor, Jennielee thinks this is great solution. So maybe it works.)
When you are calm, go back to the cafe, or park or wherever you are. Try your hardest to smile, and enjoy the moment. You know, we are all going to die, so enjoy the moments! Then when you are home, start talking. Don’t go crazy and start throwing stuff. Remember everything you break, you have to replace. Start with, “I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable but you made me feel…”.
Again, Nick and I are not perfect. There are times when we both shut down in public and I want to hit him with my purse and he says I’m acting like a bitch. Yes, we do get to that point. But we RESPECT each other too much to make a fool of ourselves and our relationship. Again, keep it classy, people,and you may last as long as my parents.
Hugs and Smiles,